Needs before Desires to Make Dreams Reality

by | Jul 2, 2018 | binge eating, Health & Well Being, Life Coaching, Lifestyle Design, manifestation, positive thinking, psychology, self help, self sabotage, yoga

If I didn’t take care of my needs before my desires, I would always just be chasing my dreams.

My Needs, at the core, are what I need to feel like I can survive without living in a constant state of stress. Some of my needs are healthy food, lots of sleep, love, companionship, mindful movement, cleanliness, shelter, friends, family, self-care, knowledge/wisdom, nature, an abundant mindset, laughter, etc.

My Desires, of the heart, are what I ache for to feel like I’m living my life on purpose in the exact way it’s supposed to be lived. Some of my desires are to help women overcome binge eating; to introduce yoga to beginner’s and people that are suffering with pain. Other desires are to make a difference, go on worldwide retreats, receive my 500hr YTT, to be a Mother, to make more money, to have a team, to be a leader, to be an example, etc.

I have looked outside of myself for answers. I knew that I was suffering and I knew I was a big part of the reason why. Without taking care of anything that was right in front of me I decided to flee. To runaway from all the pain that I was feeling. At the time I didn’t understand that no matter where I went, or who I tried to become, I was still bringing my old self with me.

At first I faked it. I was pushing food away because it made me feel skinnier and more powerful. I acted like I knew what was best for me, and no one else’s opinion mattered. I was lucky enough to be taken care of by family, without that I wouldn’t have had a place to call home. I was living the “gypsy” life, free-spirited and open to really any new experience life brought me.

I was out chasing a dream. I had a deep desire to travel and see the world. I wanted to heal my self-sabotaging patterns and figure out how to make them stop. I wanted to “fix” myself really. I constantly felt broken, like I wasn’t enough. So I was obsessed with “getting better” so I could feel whole, like I was enough.

What I didn’t know then, and what I do know now, is that I have to take care of my NEEDS before my DESIRES.

I’m only able to achieve my desires and turn them into reality IF all of my needs are met. If I keep myself busy chasing after desireswhen I’m not even feeding myself properly, I’ll never be able to achieve my desiresfully. If my basic survival needsare not being met, then there’s no way I can meet my desires.

It’s easy to get needs and desires twisted and mingled together. Anytime I have a big goal I’m going after, and it feels tough/contracted/stressed/ or up-stream – the first thing I do now is look at my needs. 

I ask myself, “What do I really need in this moment?”

Most the time it’s related to self-care, stress reduction, tuning in, breathing, slowing down, relaxing, etc. Without fulfilling these needs then there’s really no point in going after my desire because in the end it doesn’t feel good. So no matter what I have to make sure my needs are being met, so I can feel the way I want to feel, as I go after my deeper desires.

I was first introduced to these concepts in my Lifestyle Design Coaching Certification with Abundant Yogi, and now I coach my clients through this process as well. In order to create a “Game Worth Playing” in my life (and business) I first had to decide…

How do I want to feel (most of the time)? 

Then,

What do I need to do in order to feel that way?

And,

How can I make these into supportive processes and systems?

Lastly,

What are my 1-3 big goals/desires to manifest and accomplish?

Through this process of “Creating my Game Worth Playing” I’m able to have a clear roadmap and guiding intention in my work and life. When I reverse engineer and focus on the way I want to feel first, then figure out what I want to do/how it’s going to work out/what it all looks like – I will be lead me to my ultimate desires. I will also be able to see it through and make sure it happens because it feels so goodthat it’s bound to happen.

Kris Ward of Abundant Yogi states, “Remember to put needs before desires. If you try to chase desires before your needs are met, you won’t be on stable footing. You’ll feel chaotic versus grounded and clear.”

Needs are almost always connected to that little girl (or boy) within. The one that gets hurt, that feels the feelings, that holds the past traumas, that still needs to be taken care of by the Adult Self. Desiresare more like the Teenager/Rebel/Ego inside that wants to get noticed, be worthy, and be prestigious. Desires have a bit more masculine energy to get things done and to be accomplished. Desires are definitely not a bad thing. They are much needed to be creative and to see our dreams become our realities.

All I’m saying is, check in with needs and make sure they are being met before chasing desires. Take care of the entire vision. It’s easy to lose in the pursuit of a desire if needs are not tended to first. If something isn’t feeling quite right, then it’s not quite right. Create a “Game Worth Playing” for the long haul. Decide how it’s going to feel, what it’s going to look like, how it will provide support and accountability, and what the ultimate goal is. Get crystal clear on that, and be amazed to look back at a life created by design, not default.

Light & Love,

 

 

Smashing Self Sabotage – Coaching Call on Binge Eating & Alcohol

Smashing Self Sabotage – Coaching Call on Binge Eating & Alcohol

by | Apr 26, 2018 | binge eating, Life Coaching, psychology, self help, self sabotage

Smashing Self Sabotage - Coaching Call on Binge Eating & Alcohol

by Macy Graham | Smashing Self Sabotage

Welcome to the first Smashing Self Sabotage Coaching Call to be released on the blog!

Smashing Self-Sabotage, or “SSS” for short, is a coaching call series specifically designed to smash self sabotaging patterns, thoughts, and beliefs that hold us back and keep us from:

  • living the life we truly desire

  • believing in ourselves and what we have to offer

  • reaching our goals

  • feeling the way we want to feel, most of the time

  • loving ourselves unconditionally

  • experiencing deep and personal relationships with others

This call requires a commitment to transformation, coupled with a deep desire to heal from any form of self-sabotage that you may be experiencing. You will begin to get crystal clear on what it is that’s making you sabotage, how those actions make you feel, and then be able to shift to a better feeling story.
Here are The 4 Underlying Tenets of Smashing Self Sabotage
  1. What you resist, persists
  2. What you focus on, believe in, think of – will become true
  3. There is always a deeper meaning to your suffering
  4. No one else can help you, but you.
There are a few resources that I want to introduce you all to, that we will continue to reference throughout this call series.

#1 – Taming your Outer Child by Susan Anderson 

Inner Child, Outer Child & Adult Self
You may have heard the term your “Inner Child” before – it’s pretty common terminology in the self-help world. I first heard of the terms “Inner Child” “Outer Child” and “Adult Self” in the book Taming your Outer Child by Susan Anderson. This book was a game changer for me, and truly helped me identify my inner child, outer child, and adult self. It got them working together instead of against each other. In the call I explain more in my own words.
Your Inner Child is that little girl within you, that still has some old wounds or traumas that hurt her. The Inner Child still needs a lot of nurturing and tending to. She needs a Momma Bear to hear here out, listen to her cry, and give her a big hug when she’s hurting. Self Sabotage is
Your Outer Child is the honerey teenage version of you – that loves to be a rebel and act out in ways that don’t make sense to really anyone but her. When you think
Adult Self is the ‘grown-up’ for everyone.

#2 The 6 Root Causes of Self Sabotage – taught to me by Kris Ward of abundantyogi.com – where I received my Lifestyle Design Coaching Certification

In the call I go over the 6 Root Causes of Self Sabotage, and relate it to myself and my own experiences. I also give you some tips on how to not succumb to these root causes and smash self sabotage before it goes too far.

Here they are in short:

  1. Stuffing or Ignoring a Negative Emotion
  2. Too Much Hustle and not Enough Self Care & Connection
  3. Trying too hard to measure up, then zooming too far out setting goals
  4. Blending work time with leisure time (aka living in the gray zone)
  5. Resisting like crazy because we’re believing our own made-up stories
  6. Trying to manage what isn’t ours to manage

#3 is filling out your Prep Form for the call and receiving one-on-one coaching with me. You are responsible to fill out a Hot Seat Prep Form before each call if you want 1:1 coaching during the call. This is not required, but this is really where the magic happens. We will go in order of who submitted their form first.

Here are some journal exercises that you can also do on your own.

THE INNER WORK:
  • Write all your self sabotaging patterns
  • Notice what these instances taught you about yourself and self sabotage
  • We are looking at these stories with the intention to release and reframe
  • Is the beliefs I picked up around this memory ultimately true?
  • Go through each of these stories and begin to write a story that feels better around each one