Overeater – Stop Blaming Others for Your Problem
I love Elephant Journal. I have stumbled upon some wonderful teachers, healers, and have found inspiration that can change a bad day into a good one. Here is an Eating Psychology Coach’s take on Ben Ralston – The three steps to profound healing and how an overeater may relate.
1. Take Responsibility – What’s Your Problem?
“Whatever the problem, it’s your problem. Own it. It’s yours. Not anyone else’s.
Even though you may have thought in the past that it was someone else’s fault.
Even if you wanted it to be someone else’s problem.
It isn’t. It wasn’t.
It’s yours, and yours alone.
Own it.
Face it.”
~ Ben Ralston
As an Overeater your problem may be…
– I like to eat. I like to eat whatever I want. I like sweets.
– I eat when I am alone, stressed, overwhelmed, wanting to escape from the present moment, wanting to feel better than I currently do, when my back hurts, etc.
– I use food as a way to cope, but I overuse it, and it makes me feel worse than if I wouldn’t have done anything.
– I have became afraid of my appetite, and get very anxious around being hungry. Most days I don’t wait until I feel physically hungry. Sometimes the reason is because of ‘food rules’ that I try to follow and instead rebel and do the opposite. Other times it’s being bored and wanting positive stimulation, or being afraid of getting too hungry.
Overeater Excuses have been..
“YOU always fall asleep on the couch which makes me lonely so I eat.”
“YOU want me to be home at night when you are home so I can’t go workout or do something creative, so instead I eat.”
“I have to buy YOU food that I don’t want in the house, so I eat (the bad food).”
But these are all examples of blaming someone else for your overeating instead of taking ownership of it.
You could have chosen:
“I’m going to bed because I feel tired, and I care about YOU enough that you get to come with me.”
“I’m going to go workout because it is what I truly want to do, and when I come home I will be in a better mood for YOU.”
“I am going to buy food for both of us, there is no he or she food, so please don’t judge me if I have a few of OUR terribly good processed granola bars.”
By choosing the latter, you completely take away shame and blame, which are two HUGE contributing factors to overeating.
2. Find the Cause of your Problem.
” To find the cause of the problem, there is a very simple formula. Trace the problem (to use the analogy of a tree) to its roots. The topmost branches of the problem are in the head. The outermost symptoms are in the head (thoughts, beliefs, idea). The trunk of the problem is the heart (emotions). The roots are in the gut (deeper feelings of trauma, stress, fear, etc)… and the cause is a reaction to those deep feelings of trauma. The reaction is a survival instinct.” ~ Ben Ralston
Go DEEP. There are numerous reasons why you may be overeating…
Being single and hating it, hating your job, being confused about your current relationship, hating your body, drinking too much alcohol, being jealous of other women, smoking too much weed, financial burden, family issues, death, postpartum, eating low quality food that makes you crave more, feeling depressed, not achieving something you wanted badly, overworking, overexercising, fear of your purpose, sexually abuse, parenthood, perfectionism, and sooooo much more.
How does being an overeater make you feel?
– It makes me feel really good at first. It gives me time to be by myself, to feel pleasure, release endorphins, be happy. Then I can’t stop, the pleasure turns into pain, the endorphins turn into a deep depression, and I feel very sad for myself.
What would you lose if you healed as an overeater?
– Feeling high, losing a powerful moment, not being able to relieve stress, losing a ritual, having to sit with my loneliness, and no longer having an excuse to fulfill my purpose. “Sometimes, we choose subconsciously to hold on to the benefit, even though consciously we don’t want to.” This is the secondary gain, or the secret benefit derived from the problem.
3. Heal the Cause
Subconscious – of or concerning the part of the mind of which one is not fully aware but which influences one’s actions and feelings: my subconscious fear.
“The cause of the problem is a subconscious blockage. To be specific, the blockage is a subconscious association between safety / survival and an instinct (either fight, flight, or freeze). What belongs there is pure consciousness. When the blockage is removed, pure consciousness flows through the space again naturally, spontaneously and joyfully.” ~ Ben Ralston
– Subconsciously I feel unsafe before I begin to feel hungry, as if I won’t be able to survive unless I eat (which is true, but I’m far from starvation). OR Subconsciously when I’m alone I feel lonely and get anxious because I don’t trust myself around food.
Acknowledge the blockage by becoming completely aware of it.
“So our lives become ruled by subconscious tendencies towards fighting (conquer, destroy, kill, argue, conflict, win, etc); flight (hide, run away, escape, remain passive, etc); and freezing (numbness, paralysis, stiffness, lock-down, tightening up, etc).” ~Ben Ralston
Do not fight yourself by stuffing your face. Do not fly away by trying to escape the moment by overeating. Do not freeze by trying to numb yourself out to the pain. Just be in the moment. Allow yourself to feel anxious. Allow yourself to feel lonely. In that moment lies pure consciousness, where you are completely aware of how you feel and what is happening. Overeating is often fast-paced and unaware. Slow down. Allow yourself to eat and tell yourself it’s okay. Just because you’re not hungry doesn’t mean you don’t have the right to eat. It’s better to eat without guilt and guilt than it is to eat with it. Either way you are still getting to eat, so choose the one that makes you feel better inside.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this. I hope it has opened up a few eyes and hearts to self-healing. Please comment or share this message to anyone you think it may help. Also, thank you to Ben Ralston for being a leader in the healing world. If you haven’t been to his page yet… it’s time.
Stay Hungry,
Macy
