If I didn’t take care of my needs before my desires, I would always just be chasing my dreams.
My Needs, at the core, are what I need to feel like I can survive without living in a constant state of stress. Some of my needs are healthy food, lots of sleep, love, companionship, mindful movement, cleanliness, shelter, friends, family, self-care, knowledge/wisdom, nature, an abundant mindset, laughter, etc.
My Desires, of the heart, are what I ache for to feel like I’m living my life on purpose in the exact way it’s supposed to be lived. Some of my desires are to help women overcome binge eating; to introduce yoga to beginner’s and people that are suffering with pain. Other desires are to make a difference, go on worldwide retreats, receive my 500hr YTT, to be a Mother, to make more money, to have a team, to be a leader, to be an example, etc.
I have looked outside of myself for answers. I knew that I was suffering and I knew I was a big part of the reason why. Without taking care of anything that was right in front of me I decided to flee. To runaway from all the pain that I was feeling. At the time I didn’t understand that no matter where I went, or who I tried to become, I was still bringing my old self with me.
At first I faked it. I was pushing food away because it made me feel skinnier and more powerful. I acted like I knew what was best for me, and no one else’s opinion mattered. I was lucky enough to be taken care of by family, without that I wouldn’t have had a place to call home. I was living the “gypsy” life, free-spirited and open to really any new experience life brought me.
I was out chasing a dream. I had a deep desire to travel and see the world. I wanted to heal my self-sabotaging patterns and figure out how to make them stop. I wanted to “fix” myself really. I constantly felt broken, like I wasn’t enough. So I was obsessed with “getting better” so I could feel whole, like I was enough.
What I didn’t know then, and what I do know now, is that I have to take care of my NEEDS before my DESIRES.
I’m only able to achieve my desires and turn them into reality IF all of my needs are met. If I keep myself busy chasing after desireswhen I’m not even feeding myself properly, I’ll never be able to achieve my desiresfully. If my basic survival needsare not being met, then there’s no way I can meet my desires.
It’s easy to get needs and desires twisted and mingled together. Anytime I have a big goal I’m going after, and it feels tough/contracted/stressed/ or up-stream – the first thing I do now is look at my needs.
I ask myself, “What do I really need in this moment?”
Most the time it’s related to self-care, stress reduction, tuning in, breathing, slowing down, relaxing, etc. Without fulfilling these needs then there’s really no point in going after my desire because in the end it doesn’t feel good. So no matter what I have to make sure my needs are being met, so I can feel the way I want to feel, as I go after my deeper desires.
I was first introduced to these concepts in my Lifestyle Design Coaching Certification with Abundant Yogi, and now I coach my clients through this process as well. In order to create a “Game Worth Playing” in my life (and business) I first had to decide…
How do I want to feel (most of the time)?
What do I need to do in order to feel that way?
How can I make these into supportive processes and systems?
What are my 1-3 big goals/desires to manifest and accomplish?
Through this process of “Creating my Game Worth Playing” I’m able to have a clear roadmap and guiding intention in my work and life. When I reverse engineer and focus on the way I want to feel first, then figure out what I want to do/how it’s going to work out/what it all looks like – I will be lead me to my ultimate desires. I will also be able to see it through and make sure it happens because it feels so goodthat it’s bound to happen.
Kris Ward of Abundant Yogi states, “Remember to put needs before desires. If you try to chase desires before your needs are met, you won’t be on stable footing. You’ll feel chaotic versus grounded and clear.”
Needs are almost always connected to that little girl (or boy) within. The one that gets hurt, that feels the feelings, that holds the past traumas, that still needs to be taken care of by the Adult Self. Desiresare more like the Teenager/Rebel/Ego inside that wants to get noticed, be worthy, and be prestigious. Desires have a bit more masculine energy to get things done and to be accomplished. Desires are definitely not a bad thing. They are much needed to be creative and to see our dreams become our realities.
All I’m saying is, check in with needs and make sure they are being met before chasing desires. Take care of the entire vision. It’s easy to lose in the pursuit of a desire if needs are not tended to first. If something isn’t feeling quite right, then it’s not quite right. Create a “Game Worth Playing” for the long haul. Decide how it’s going to feel, what it’s going to look like, how it will provide support and accountability, and what the ultimate goal is. Get crystal clear on that, and be amazed to look back at a life created by design, not default.
Light & Love,