Needs before Desires to Make Dreams Reality

If I didn’t take care of my needs before my desires, I would always just be chasing my dreams.

My Needs, at the core, are what I need to feel like I can survive without living in a constant state of stress. Some of my needs are healthy food, lots of sleep, love, companionship, mindful movement, cleanliness, shelter, friends, family, self-care, knowledge/wisdom, nature, an abundant mindset, laughter, etc.

My Desires, of the heart, are what I ache for to feel like I’m living my life on purpose in the exact way it’s supposed to be lived. Some of my desires are to help women overcome binge eating; to introduce yoga to beginner’s and people that are suffering with pain. Other desires are to make a difference, go on worldwide retreats, receive my 500hr YTT, to be a Mother, to make more money, to have a team, to be a leader, to be an example, etc.

I have looked outside of myself for answers. I knew that I was suffering and I knew I was a big part of the reason why. Without taking care of anything that was right in front of me I decided to flee. To runaway from all the pain that I was feeling. At the time I didn’t understand that no matter where I went, or who I tried to become, I was still bringing my old self with me.

At first I faked it. I was pushing food away because it made me feel skinnier and more powerful. I acted like I knew what was best for me, and no one else’s opinion mattered. I was lucky enough to be taken care of by family, without that I wouldn’t have had a place to call home. I was living the “gypsy” life, free-spirited and open to really any new experience life brought me.

I was out chasing a dream. I had a deep desire to travel and see the world. I wanted to heal my self-sabotaging patterns and figure out how to make them stop. I wanted to “fix” myself really. I constantly felt broken, like I wasn’t enough. So I was obsessed with “getting better” so I could feel whole, like I was enough.

What I didn’t know then, and what I do know now, is that I have to take care of my NEEDS before my DESIRES.

I’m only able to achieve my desires and turn them into reality IF all of my needs are met. If I keep myself busy chasing after desireswhen I’m not even feeding myself properly, I’ll never be able to achieve my desiresfully. If my basic survival needsare not being met, then there’s no way I can meet my desires.

It’s easy to get needs and desires twisted and mingled together. Anytime I have a big goal I’m going after, and it feels tough/contracted/stressed/ or up-stream – the first thing I do now is look at my needs. 

I ask myself, “What do I really need in this moment?”

Most the time it’s related to self-care, stress reduction, tuning in, breathing, slowing down, relaxing, etc. Without fulfilling these needs then there’s really no point in going after my desire because in the end it doesn’t feel good. So no matter what I have to make sure my needs are being met, so I can feel the way I want to feel, as I go after my deeper desires.

I was first introduced to these concepts in my Lifestyle Design Coaching Certification with Abundant Yogi, and now I coach my clients through this process as well. In order to create a “Game Worth Playing” in my life (and business) I first had to decide…

How do I want to feel (most of the time)? 

Then,

What do I need to do in order to feel that way?

And,

How can I make these into supportive processes and systems?

Lastly,

What are my 1-3 big goals/desires to manifest and accomplish?

Through this process of “Creating my Game Worth Playing” I’m able to have a clear roadmap and guiding intention in my work and life. When I reverse engineer and focus on the way I want to feel first, then figure out what I want to do/how it’s going to work out/what it all looks like – I will be lead me to my ultimate desires. I will also be able to see it through and make sure it happens because it feels so goodthat it’s bound to happen.

Kris Ward of Abundant Yogi states, “Remember to put needs before desires. If you try to chase desires before your needs are met, you won’t be on stable footing. You’ll feel chaotic versus grounded and clear.”

Needs are almost always connected to that little girl (or boy) within. The one that gets hurt, that feels the feelings, that holds the past traumas, that still needs to be taken care of by the Adult Self. Desiresare more like the Teenager/Rebel/Ego inside that wants to get noticed, be worthy, and be prestigious. Desires have a bit more masculine energy to get things done and to be accomplished. Desires are definitely not a bad thing. They are much needed to be creative and to see our dreams become our realities.

All I’m saying is, check in with needs and make sure they are being met before chasing desires. Take care of the entire vision. It’s easy to lose in the pursuit of a desire if needs are not tended to first. If something isn’t feeling quite right, then it’s not quite right. Create a “Game Worth Playing” for the long haul. Decide how it’s going to feel, what it’s going to look like, how it will provide support and accountability, and what the ultimate goal is. Get crystal clear on that, and be amazed to look back at a life created by design, not default.

Light & Love,

 

 

Life Story: How I went from a Mess to a Success

Life Story: How I went from a Mess to a Success

How I went from Hating to Absolutely Loving My Life Story.

My work schedule has never been so flexible. I’m able to block off time when I have friends and family in town, but also increase my hours when I need to work some longer days. I truly love my life story. I get to help people feel better in their bodies by showing them how to stretch, breathe, and move properly. I teach people how to live their life story by design, not default. I coach people how to have a positive relationship with food and body image. My clients find their freedom again.

I love to cook meals and eat healthy. I have the time to plan and prepare my food so I’m not stressed out about what I’m going to eat next. Not only do I provide high quality food for myself, but for the people (and pup) that I love and care for everyday. I practice mindful eating, enjoying every bite that is put into my mouth. I’m grateful for all the wonderful experiences that involve delicious foods. I don’t judge myself of my food choices because I’m tuning into what my highest self needs to get relief.

I invite pleasure into my life story with open arms. I’m not afraid to give myself some dark chocolate, a 90-minute massage, or go out dancing with the girls. The most pleasurable thing of all is being my goofy, fun, creative self; hoping that the people around me will join in the shenanigans!

After reading the book, Taming your Outer Child by Susan Anderson, I learned how to listen to Inner child’s needs and desires, be proactive towards Outer child’s behaviors and actions, and inevitably strengthen my Adult Self.

My passion for the great outdoors is shared with all my local clients and friends.

I organize groups to go hiking, biking, and camping. Nature has always helped me unplug and become more present. The feeling that I get after reaching the top of a mountain has to be shared with others. My physical environment is just so perfect for me. I get to live in the beautiful state of Colorado, while only a short drive away from my home in Kansas. I love all the sunshine, the rain, the snow, and the beautiful fall colors. I can imagine my kids growing up here and living the life story of their dreams.

I have the positive kind of stress in my life (well, most the time). I strive to live in Parasympathetic Nervous System dominance; in more simple terms, the Relaxation Response. Most the time 10 deep breaths, Viparita Karani  (‘legs up the wall Pose’), or a hot bubble bath is just what the divine was calling for.

All of this wouldn’t be possible without my fiancé, David. He’s my biggest motivation to live life to the fullest, and to be the best I can be. He has taught me how hard work and showing up consistently every day is what’s important.

BUT my life story was not always this way…

Just five years ago I was working my first corporate management job out of college. The hefty salary blind-sighted me from the terrible schedule and work-life balance that was ahead. While David had a normal 8-6pm schedule, I’d be leaving the house at 12pm and getting home at 5am. We never had supper (yes, I say supper!) together, and he would be asleep on the couch waiting for me to come home. I still remember it was the first time in my life I didn’t see fireworks on the 4thof July.

The team I worked for didn’t take me seriously. I was a 22 year-old female manager in charge of a 30 person team that included mostly males ages 18 – 50. Many of them had been there for years, and had way more job knowledge than I, yet I was their boss. This environment was the perfect example of living my life story by default. It seemed like everyone was ‘bleh’ about their job, did enough to get by, and didn’t really care that much about each other. I knew that I wasn’t fulfilling my greater mission.

My love for cooking was no longer. I simply didn’t have enough time or energy to make any meals. My “eating rhythm”, which I learned about later as a Mind Body Eating Coach, was completely out of whack from working the night shift. The quality of my food diminished, I had to multi-task while eating over my break, and I was living off of vending machine cappuccinos to stay awake.

Nothing in my life story at this time was pleasurable. I had no social life, my love life was suffering, and I developed a negative relationship with food and body. I began binge eating and drinking alcohol as a coping mechanism to numb out to all the things going wrong in my life. This was my way of surviving with all the tough emotions and situations that were thrown at me.

Looking back and referencing Susan Anderson’s book Taming your Outer Child, my Inner Child’sneeds and desires were not being met, my Outer Childwas acting out by binge eating and drinking, and my Adult Self was so weak that it had no control over anything in my life.

The kind of stress I had at this time was debilitating. I was living in Sympathetic Nervous System dominance, also known as “The Stress Response”. Constantly in survival mode, I was either ready to fight and defend myself or shut down and freeze. I had forgotten what it felt like to be happy, open, integrated, and turned on.

At least 12-hours of my working days were spent in a warehouse with no windows, no outside access, and no creative outlets. When I would walk outside from work I could smell the Lay’s potato chip factory and wanted to ‘vom’ every single time.

After 11-months of not wanting to give up, thinking that if I quit than I would be a failure, I finally came to a breaking point when my primary relationships began to crumble. I knew that in this life I had to learn how to love myself, body, spirit, work, environment, people, and mission.

That’s when I found yoga.

My Aunt Dianne lives in San Francisco and has always been that quirky spark of inspiration to me (I remember growing up she wanted me to join the circus). I didn’t listen to her then, but I did hear her loud and clear when she invited me to come stay with her and do a Yoga Teacher Training at Yoga Garden SF. My Mom was a huge component in this happening too. Thanks Momma. 

I thought, “What a perfect way to find out who I am, and what I want to do. Plus, I’m unemployed so lets live it up!” I must admit to you that the biggest reason why I up and left for San Francisco, no questions asked, was to help me through my binge eating and drinking habitual cycle. I felt helpless, out of control, lost, and very lonely. I was guilt and shame ridden. I didn’t know much about yoga at the time, but I did know that it would provide me a healing and supportive journey back to truth.

I learned so much in my time in San Francisco. Sure there was yoga philosophy, asana, anatomy, adjustments, and cueing; but the life lessons that this Midwestern girl learned about people, life, culture, and art meant just as much. After I completed my immersion training, I took the rest of the summer to travel the West Coast visiting friends and up to Alaska for a family vacation. I had been aching to travel again ever since I got back from studying abroad in Italy. It felt so necessary at the time.

Once I got back home from my adventures, I immediately started teaching at Healing Touch, my mentor Annette Terry’s massage office. I’m so glad I did this because I had the confidence to teach and the knowledge was fresh. I had healed many emotional wounds, but binge eating was still showing up in my life and sabotaging my success. I’m a continual learner, and got online to seek more wisdom on what was going on with me.

It didn’t take long to find my next calling, The Institute for Psychology of Eating based in Boulder, CO.
After attending a conference I immediately signed up for their Mind Body Eating Coaching Certification. It was an intensive online program that taught me the foundations about how to overcome binge eating, overeating, binge drinking, negative body image, poor digestive health, and so much more. It was a long journey to dig deep into my emotional and spiritual realms, and to live a fully expressed physical form. The more I learned, the more I practiced. This new lifestyle allowed my unwanted symptoms to slowly dissipate. In this time I also moved to Colorado, started a new job as a Wellness Coordinator for Ascent Therapy Clinic (physical therapy), and moved into a new home with David.

As a Mind Body Eating Coach I began attracting clients that had similar stories to mine.

 I have been able to help people feel better about their relationship with food, quit binge eating, develop a healthy body image, discover long time food sensitivities, cut back on wine, bring light to sugar addiction, hormone imbalances, bloating, eating speed, eating rhythm, and so much more.

I truly love helping people, especially women, through their eating and body challenges, but I’ve also realized something. 

That it’s hardly ever about the food.

Your binge eating, or other unwanted habit, is showing up in your life because you are not living authentically to you!

Look at all the aspects of your life – career, family, financials, primary relationship, spirituality, sexuality, hobbies, friends, physical environment, etc. 

What is no longer serving you?

Which aspects are holding you back from being the authentically you?

Do any of these areas in your life cause you more stress than relief?

Take a moment to reflect here. I want you to pause, take a deep breath, and be a witness to your own life. 

My last certification as a Lifestyle Design Coach taught me how to be self-employed and fully focus on Hungryoga (Yes, even more so than a Business Degree). I’ve learned so much about mindful marketing, and what it takes to run a freedom based business. Now I coach other entrepreneurs and business-women how to take charge of their schedules and charge what their worth. I’m passionate about guiding people away from doing jobs they hate, and really going after what their heart is set on in my Lifestyle & Career Design Program

I tell you my life story because I am a Coach. I’m here to be open, vulnerable, and deeply listen to your life story. I don’t want you to hide anymore. There is no guilt or shame with how your life is now. There are so many people just like you searching for help and relief with the exact same issues – binge eating, overeating, hating their job, hating their weight, and hating life all together.

I want to help you get to where I am now, only way faster than how I got here. It’s time to feel free in your body and not be ashamed of your imperfections. The limits are off with your desires and your purpose. Now you can charge forward with confidence in knowing that you are ‘on the right path’.

I want to leave you with this…

 

“You attract the way you act. You act the way you think. And you think the way you choose.”

Design Life the Way You Want it!

Design Life the Way You Want it!

Can you be open to the idea that you really can Design Your Life the Way You Want It?

For a long time, I didn’t believe this was possible. 

I was stuck in a job I didn’t enjoy, living a lifestyle that didn’t align with the way I wanted to live, and was sabotaging myself with food, negative thinking, and victim mentality. 

Can you relate?  I feel like a lot of people can, especially young women.  In the Lifestyle Design Vlog below I talk a little bit more about my story, and how Lifestyle & Career Design Coaching changed my life. Once I was able to get the courage to quit my job, and make the huge steps and investments needed to change my thinking and trajectory of my life, it all started to click.  What I really hope you take away from this video is that you have to believe that it can happen for you. The universe isn’t going to give you anything that you don’t believe is possible.  This is one reason I love to work with people who desire to change their psychology, improve their own lives, and make a difference in the world by doing what they love. 

So if you desire to…

– Create a Life & Career You Love

– Change Your Mindset to Become More Abundant

– Reverse Engineer Your Schedule to Fit Your Ideal Lifestyle

– Gain the Courage to Quit Your Job & Follow Your Heart

Then you should Start by Watching this video below! Get inspired by listening to my story and the tips that I share. Surround yourself with positive people and positive energy. Partner with a coach or a teacher that has been through what you are wanting to transform.  Once you watch the video I want you to leave a comment! Let me know what this video inspired you to take action on in your life! Share with a friend that you feel needs to hear this message. The first FIVE people who reach out to me about this video will receive a complimentary Laser Coaching Session with me! That’s a $250 value so don’t miss out! I’m excited to see who is ready to take action and transform their life into one they absolutely love!  XO,  

I hope you Enjoyed this Video! Remember to Reach out to me for a Laser Coaching Session & Let me know what your biggest takeaway was! 

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